The initial phase of conscious parenting can be challenging as you become aware of your own unhealed wounds and behaviours, both learned and adapted from partnerships, and recognising the triggers can be uncomfortable. This part of the process requires patience, time and courage as you pause to reflect on the situation and decide the best way forward. Taking the decision to move forward with change can take several attempts to adapt to a new approach, and during my own conscious parenting journey, the pause before I react provided me with space to reflect, but also helped with those triggers where space was the better option rather than an emotional reaction to a trigger. Conscious parenting is a journey and not a fix. It's an approach that allows for more open discussions with your child around what you and they are experiencing during a trigger moment.
I noticed I was calmer with more energy when I took some space for myself instead of reacting. Communicating at a later date instead of in the moment allowed for both parent and child to reflect on the situation and become aware of their behaviour, right or wrong. As a parent, taking a new decision around the approach going forward also allowed my child to see I was not just thinking about their behaviour, I was thinking of my own. If an apology was warranted, I would apologise. If I was clear on my actions and stood my ground, that would be communicated too, calmly and without the emotional reaction. It became clear to my child that they were feeling the consistency with the approach and although some changes could be difficult for them to get used to, it also encouraged them to be more open with communication, which also proactively encouraged them to come with other feelings and challenges outside the parent-child dynamic. I was teaching my child that their emotions were valid, and we focused on regulation and connection before discussion.
I started to notice an increase in confidence in my child, who became more self-dependent around managing their own emotions and started to pause as they were being taught to do so. They were no longer feeling bad for having emotions but instead learning that it was okay to discuss how you feel, even though the boundary or outcome they want wouldn't change. There was less fear and anxiety, which opened up a place of safety. They felt heard and seen as it was no longer about parental control but instead an opportunity for them to voice their opinions and give a wider understanding as to how some decisions affected them in a way we don't often consider as parents. I also noticed there were secrets they wanted to share without feeling judged. As a parent, when your child tells you something they did wrong, being able to remain calm and open is key to them opening up in the future, and instead of hiding, they ask for help.